


Pink Toes.

by istherecolour



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friends to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Melodrama, Original Character(s), kpop cameos, this seems sad but it's not that sad....i hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-10 01:11:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10425915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/istherecolour/pseuds/istherecolour
Summary: “Hey yourself! I felt like I haven’t seen you in ages but I saw you the other day. It’s weird, right?” Jihoon forces out a laugh. He’s always hated when Seungcheol says things like this; things that make him think about if he wasn’t with Yoon In Ha. It’s been two weeks and in those two weeks, Jihoon had successfully avoided Seungcheol - which is harder than you would think since they both have lessons in the same building and the same groups of friends.Call it a small miracle.[Seungcheol gets a girlfriend. Jihoon is fine.]





	

**Author's Note:**

> its been ages since ive posted and i found this lying around in my google drive along with some other fics that are wip!!! based on the fact that i was watching playful kiss at the time (it's a terrible kdrama but it has the love trope that i really like???) and it lead me to this idea. (i did finish playful kiss in the end....not worth it tbh.) anyway i hope you like and enjoy this because i liked writing this a lot.
> 
> good songs to listen to when reading this is: it was love // zico ft luna
> 
> pink toes // childish gambino
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>  
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> if you //big bang
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>  
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> knew better/forever boy // ariana grande
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>  
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> lead me out of the dark // crown the empire
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>  
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> love me like you do // ellie goulding
> 
>  
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> spring day // bts
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>  
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> o.s.a.s.i.s // toppdogg
> 
>  
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> but i love you // 24k
> 
>  
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> for you // btob

Her name is Yoon In Ha and everyone fall in love with the five-foot something girl and her platinum blonde hair, those big doe brown eyes that seem to be soft in all the right places and her pink pouty lips that make her seem so _pure_.

Jihoons’ group of friends all fall in love with her stifled giggles; the way she claps when she finds something _really_ funny; and the way she leans across with a quizzical expression over her face but intently listening nonetheless.

Jisoo _preens_ over her; cheeks hueing with pink and his lips pressed into a permeant smile. Mingyu gushes at the way she says, ‘ _aigoo! You’re so tall, oppa!’_ in that sickly soft voice of hers and Seungcheol is _glowing_ with her soft kiss, touch and hug they give each other.

Jihoon is the only one that doesn’t like her.

“Honestly,” Jeonghan said softly with his fingers digging through his pockets for his pass as they both walk towards the subway station with their feet dragging along the pavement and their breaths showing in the night air. “Yoon In Ha great. _You_ just don’t like her since you’re unbelievably in love with Seungcheol since senior year.” Jihoon didn’t comment. He, instead, walked faster and hopped down the stairs into the warmth that the subway station had to offer. He didn’t need to listen to Jeonghans unsolicited opinion. “You should give her a chance at _least._ ”

“She just going to be another notch in Seungcheols unbelievably _big_ bed post, we both know it.” Jihoon deadpanned seriously. “Seungcheol has more exes than there are stars in the sky. She’s going to be another one of those dull stars, don’t even deny it. I give them _at least_ a month.” Jeonghan had rolled his eyes and followed suit towards the train platform.

“Instead of being a bitter best friend, it would be easier if you addressed the elephant in room and actually talked to him about your feelings.” Jihoon smacks his pass against the barrier and fasts walks towards the platform, ignoring how Jeonghan mutters _‘what a concept that would be_ ,’ under his breathe.

Jihoon was tempted to push him into the tracks but instead, his thoughts turn to ones of Seungcheol and his latest conquest before shuddering and huffing to himself. He didn’t need thought that would make him want to throw himself into the tracks instead of Jeonghan.

“Seungcheol seems pretty serious about In Ha.” Jeonghan added as an afterthought with his gaze not breaking at the sight of the incoming train light that lights up the tunnel. “He was talking about her meeting his parents; going off to the Jeju Islands on a vacation; and even bag-packing around Northern Europe.” Jihoon proceeded to ignore Jeonghan for the rest of long ride home. Jeonghan didn’t talk about it more either.

But by the time he slips into his apartment – throwing his coat off and kicking his shoes to the side – a thought slides into his mind and made him queasy to his stomach. _What if_ . . _. What if_ Yoon In Ha was the _one?_ The one that Seungcheol wants to marry, to have children with, to own a small house by the beach? What would that mean for him – for Jihoon?

Sleeping was hard that night because all his dreams – the ones about Seungcheol – felt like nightmares.

 

 

 

“Ji!”

Jihoon freezes mid-step at the voice that calls his name.

 _I could just keep walking,_ Jihoon thinks aloofly, clenching his fist in his pocket.

The bus stop is only a handful of steps away, covered in a thick blanket of snow. He could pretend that he didn’t even _hear_ Seungcheol – which wouldn’t make sense because Seungcheol has such a loud and booming voice that you could hear it in Taiwan – and wait for his bus and avoid talking to him.

But _fuck –_ Jihoon isn’t that heartless. Especially for Seungcheol.

“Hey Cheollie.” Jihoon breathes out, turning to face him. If Seungcheol notices how flustered Jihoon looks when Seungcheol bounces towards him with a smile with his feet crunching against the snow, he doesn’t comment. Seungcheol only smiles wider and the dimples on his face deepen. He looks like a puppy, Jihoon muses. Everything is oversized on his him; his coat, his scarf, his _jeans._

Jihoon is dying a slow _death._

“Hey _yourself_! I felt like I haven’t seen you in ages but I saw you the other day. It’s weird, right?” Jihoon forces out a laugh. He’s always hated when Seungcheol says things like this; things that make him think about if he wasn’t with Yoon In Ha. It’s been two weeks and in those two weeks, Jihoon had successfully avoided Seungcheol - _which_ is harder than you would think since they both have lessons in the same building and the same groups of friends.

Call it a small miracle.

“You know me,” Jihoon buries his hands into his pockets with a small laugh. “Always busy. Always studying. Can’t take a break.” Seungcheol nods thoughtfully before smiling again.

“Don’t overwork yourself, Ji-ah.” Seungcheol says seriously but the smile doesn’t leave his lips. “I know you want your work to be perfect but you don’t need to have to work yourself to death, okay?”

“Okay.” Jihoon croaks out with his cheeks red, trying to look as nonchalant as possible, but it doesn’t work. If anything, he looks like a small walking tomato in the middle of winter. “T-Thanks.” Times like these, when Seungcheol says such meaningful things to him, Jihoon _swears_ he’s falling harder and harder into the abyss of having a one-sided love. _Seungcheol has always been like this_ , Jihoon reasons to himself with a stern voice in his head. He shouldn’t feel special. Watching Seungcheol pull out his phone, he tells himself that Seungcheol always been someone who cares too much for others and not so much about himself. “H-How’s In Ha?”

Jihoon is _sure_ Seungcheols face drops, only for a split second with his light in his eyes fading and the smile playing on his lips curving down.

“Oh. She’s, uh, she’s great Ji.” Seungcheol shrugs and the smile returns to his but it doesn’t really reach his eyes like before; it doesn’t make them sparkle like before. They look lifeless and bland. “She came over the last night and we went out for dinner.” There’s something heedless in his voice; it’s almost as stiff and cold as the snow under his feet.

“I’m glad.” Wincing at his own tone of voice, Jihoon turns to face the snow covered road with his cheeks heating up. God, why is he so _awkward?_ “She seems great.” There’s a low hum from Seungcheol and Jihoon doesn’t have to look over to see he’s debating whether or not he should say something, from the way Jihoon cranes his head to the side slightly, there’s a blank expression written across his face and his eyes are glistening with something.

“Thanks. She. . . She really is.” The air becomes slightly charged. Like there’s something unsaid between them. Jihoon for the life can’t work out what it is.

 

 

 

Jihoon falls for Seungcheol.

He _literally_ falls for Choi Seungcheol in the early summer last year.

And the only reason he fell was because he couldn’t read the bright yellow and red **‘ _WET FLOOR AHEAD’_** sign in front of him as he sprinting from class towards the exit because Jeonghan had warned him if he was late _again_ to movie night, they’d be watching some disgusting romance film. He could see those huge oak double doors in his eye line and could practically feel the summer heat on his skin. Jihoon goes from running clutching his bag to slipping and his entire weight being thrown into the air.

He expected to fall down with a thud; something most likely cracking or breaking – maybe his laptop? Maybe is glasses? Instead he lands on someone, well _more_ in their arms them on said person. Opening his eyes carefully, Jihoon doesn’t expect to see a boy – a _cute_ boy – with soft looking pink lips, blemish free skin and sparkling dark brown eyes staring at him in a way that made his heart flutter and his cheeks heat up.

“Are you okay?” _And_ he has a voice of an angel – if an angel has a deep, soothing voice that suddenly made Jihoon hyper-aware of the situation: he’s lying in some random guys arms. Moving quickly, Jihoon nods with his face bright red. Thank _god_ it was only them in the corridor.

“I – Yes. I’m fine.” He bows. “Thank you.” And he doesn’t look back as he speed-walks (because he’s not running again,) his way away from the uncomfortable situation. He doesn’t get the guys’ name and he _certainly_ doesn’t expect him to be sat in Jeonghans living room with a bowl of popcorn on his lap.

After that day, Jihoon _prayed_ that his feelings would disappear but if anything, they intensified. Choi Seungcheol is an angel, Jihoon thinks. He isn’t human; he’s too surreal to be. He’s many things, Jihoon had mused to himself quietly once while looking at Seungcheol; he isn’t just _another_ pretty face, he’s smart. He’s kind. He’s caring.

 And for a spilt second – in a blink of an eye as the season changed from summer to fall – he thought he had a chance.

Until Jihoon realises that maybe – just _maybe_ he doesn’t.

Because as much as Seungcheol is great; his relationships are remind Jihoon of dead leaves falling of branches in the early winter time. He doesn’t need to explain more. So, he never said anything. It’s just easier that way – for them both.

 

 

“Guess who texted me, Jihoon-ah?” Jeonghan, for as long as Jihoon as known him, doesn’t know the meaning of ‘ _inside voices.’_ Jihoon spent too much time in the start when they started living together scolding him – almost _daily –_ that he didn’t need to shout all the time. These days, Jihoon is pretty desensitised to it all. “Ji-ah! You gotta _guess._ ” Looking up from his books, Jihoon watches Jeonghan skip towards the table, waving his phone around with a shit eating grin across his face.

“I’ll humour you,” Jihoon deadpans. “Was it Mingyu?”

“Nope!” Jeonghan slides into the chair right next to Jihoon with their knees pressed together. “And why would Mingyu text me? I blocked his number.” Dropping the phone onto the book, Jihoon sighs and mumbles a _‘for now.’_ Jeonghan is too weak for Mingyu. “But just look at the text, okay?”

And he does.

**_kwannie~ (18:22)_ **

_hyung cheol-hyung is drunk @my work place_ _ㅋㅋㅋ_

_i think inha and him had a fight TT_

 “Oh.”

“Yeah, _oh._ ” Jeonghan says with a cheeky smile and no sympathy on his face. “This means only one thing,” he taps his fingers against the wood. “The universe is your favour meaning you have to go and confess right now.”

“Jeonghan . . .,” Jihoon lets out a deep sigh. There’s a reason _why_ Jihoon hates watching those romcoms with Jeonghan because he gets ideas like these into his head. “Look, it’s just not worth it.”

“Says who?”

“Says me; says the fact that Seungcheol is in a relationship and by the time he gets out of one, he’ll hop into a new one. And not to mention, he’s never explicitly said he likes guys.” Jihoon mutters tiredly. He doesn’t mean to sound so inconsolable about this all but he does. And Jihoon knows that Jeonghan is just trying to be a good friend; despite everything, Jeonghan only wants to make sure – in his _own_ way – the Jihoon is suffering alone and as nice as that is, he’d rather suffer this by himself. “I’m not gonna risk myself getting hurt because the universe is somehow _‘rooting’_ for me, Jeonghan.” Pushing away from the table with the chair scratching the floor. “But nice try though.”

Jihoon slides into his room; moving over the mess and lies in bed. The first thing he thinks is that if the universe was really rooting for them, perhaps it would of gotten them together by now. If anything, the universe was indifferent to Jihoons’ failing love life and just wanted to make sure that he knows about this.

 

 

 

The thing is, Jihoon thinks, is that the seasons change but his feeling won’t.

 At least that’s how it seems now because mid-term season is upon everyone; Jihoon stops going out and keeps himself to himself by studying and binge-watching whatever anime is he can. Somehow, he doesn’t feel like he’s missing out. Not when Seungkwan texts’ him regularly meeting up or when he bumps into a hungover Mingyu with marks as dark as the bags under his neck scattered on his neck and especially not when he catches Seungcheol kissing In Ha.

He thinks, between the moments he doesn’t busy himself, that Seungcheol is summer. Even in the coldest months, Seungcheol is the summer months when the sun shines down and makes him sweat like someone poured water over him. Jihoon, in these brief moments, know someone like Yoon In Ha doesn’t deserve him.

Christmas comes and everyone goes home. Jihoon turns off his phone.

New Years’ passes and three days later Jihoon slides into his chair, opens his laptop and carries off where he left off.

Jeonghan doesn’t say anything when he slides out of his bedroom looking half dead while making ramen for himself, one night. Instead, he smiles like he wants to say something but the words can’t make out it onto his tongue and this is his substitute way of trying to make Jihoon feel better.

Before he knows it; it’s February and nothing has really changed.

 

 

 

Choi Seungcheol is a lot of things, Jihoon concludes when he sees him sitting in _his_ space in the library, glasses falling down the bridge of his noses and the papers he has scattered across the table and the look of concentration echoed onto his face.

This, Jihoon thinks with his heart skipping a beat, is when Choi Seungcheol looks his best. When he’s dressed for spring but winter hasn’t decided to leave yet, at least not without a fight. (Read: oversized jumper, a pair of sweatpants from the days where they used to have movie marathons and his timberlands all battered up and looking like they’ve seen better days.) Before he can even turn away and pretend he wasn’t just completely ogling his best friend, Seungcheol looks up.

And Jihoon is sure – _so positive –_ that his eyes light up.

“Ji-ah!” Seungcheol, _godbless him,_ doesn’t understand inside voices when it comes to libraries. He stands up, chair falling with a loud thud and his smile creeping up to his eyes. “You . . . hi.” Jihoon nods cautiously, feeling all these emotions flood over him like a tidal-wave.

“Hi.” Jihoon pads towards the table. “Room for one more? I’m pretty sure if I try and bother Wonwoo, he might actually yell at me.”

“Of course.” Seungcheol says it like it’s no problem, like he _really_ wants Jihoon with him. Maybe Jihoon was reading into this all wrong. “I . . . how was Christmas?” Jihoon slides into the seat, pulling his bag up to his chest to get his notebook out. “You didn’t text me – or anyone.” He adds as a sad afterthought but the smile that sits on his face is there nonetheless.

“Oh, you know the usual.” Jihoon says. “My brother and his girlfriend were there. I saw my grandparents, saw Buddha and passed out after eating so much.” He skips out the part where he _did_ turn on his phone and checked Seungkwans snapchat to see In Ha placed on Seungcheols’ lap like she owned it and her lips firmly placed against his cheek and felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. He misses out the part where his bed was too big and all he could think of is what it’d be like if Seungcheol was lying next to him. He misses out the part where he sits outside, counting the stars, because if he’s not asleep then he doesn’t have to see Seungcheol. “What about you?”

“Oh, well. . . You know. My parents forced me to babysit my cousins. I saw my grandparents as well and they told me that I’m their favourite, _then_ made me make kimchi.” Jihoon smiles at the face Seungcheol makes. “I smelt gross afterwards.” They fall into a silence and it isn’t overbearing. Jihoon has never really been good with talking despite the fact he writes songs.

“Hows. . . In Ha?” Jihoon remembers, back when the snow coated over Seoul and the sky looked it prettiest during the twilight period, that Seungcheols smile had slipped away. Like maybe . . . just _maybe_ he shouldn’t off asked that. “How long have you guys been together now?”

“Four months,” Seungcheol pauses. “She’s okay. She’s in the Jeju islands seeing her brothers and whatnot.”

“It must be nice.” Jihoon rips open his pencil case with so much force, he’s sure he could off broken the zipper.

“Yeah.” It’s awkward as they work in silence. Like there’s an elephant in the room that Jihoon couldn’t put his finger on. It takes an hour an a half for Seungcheol to get up for a walk and coming back with two steaming hot coffees and a smile.

Jihoon likes when Seungcheol smiles.

 

 

Spring comes quickly.

The sky looks pretty in the morning before all the hustle and bustle of city and how it wakes up nosily and awakes everyone else. Jihoon thinks, belatedly, that his feelings really won’t _ever_ change. Maybe when he’s old and wrinkly, he’ll look back onto this day with a sense of pride and maybe a twang of regret but at least he’d be able to sleep without wondering if Seungcheol lays awake at thinking about him. Maybe, when he’s married and asking himself questions, he’ll think back to Choi Seungcheol who used to make his heart flutter like there’s no tomorrow.

But right now – in this moment in time where Jihoon stares at Yoon In Ha taking Seungcheols hand in hers as they stand in the courtyard in the middle of spring where the cherry blossoms bloom frantically – he thinks that those days are light years away.

Yoon In Ha looks up, right at him and there’s a flicker of something in her eyes.

Jihoon paces it to class, gripping his bag against his chest and trying to stop that feeling of aching in chest not get to him.

 

 

 

“ _Hyung!_ You actually came!” Seungkwan is delightful and endearing drunk, Jihoon concludes after ten minutes of seeing everyone, giving them pleasant smiles then being attacked by Seungkwan and forced to comfort him on the couch.

He doesn’t usually go to parties – always preferring the comfort of his room – but Jeonghan had asked so nicely ( _Read: it wasn’t that nice the way he asked. “It’s really depressing seeing you all sad and shit, Ji. Get dressed, we’re going to Yugyeoms’ party. I won’t take no for an answer.”)_ And even though he wanted to disagree, here he is. So he lets Seungkwan drape himself across Jihoons lap on the couch with his eyes all misty looking and a soft smile tugging on his lips. “I missed you so much, hyung. You’re _not_ allowed to do that again, okay?” Seungkwans breath _reeks_ of whatever he was drinking as he nuzzles his face into the crook of Jihoons neck.

“I’ve been busy, Kwannie.” Jihoon says with a chuckle. “You know me. I’m always busy.”

“You’re sad, hyung. That’s why you wouldn’t come out.” Seungkwan, out of all their friends, was the most perceptive. Along with Jeonghan and Jisoo. “You _always_ make the effort but you haven’t because you’re sad and I – I don’t want you to be sad, okay?”

“I’m not . . . I’m fine.” He croaks out but Seungkwan just hums. “What would I be sad about anyway? Seungcheol and his girlfriend? Being forever alone?”

“You should tell him your feelings or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t, hyung.” Seungkwan mumbles tiredly, not bothering to look up. Jihoon knows he’s right; he regrets not telling him sooner. “Hyung might even like you back.” Jihoon smiles sadly.

Maybe in another parallel universe.

“You’ve drunk too much already, brat.” Seungkwan, despite his frame, is much heavier than he looks, which isn’t very unsurprising. Somehow, Jihoon pushes through the thick clusters of people towards where Jun kept his spare room, (read: Jihoon isn’t _jealous_ that Jun happens to be on scholarship with the university paying for his lavish three-bedroom apartment in the middle of the city. Not at _all.)_

Juns’ spare bedroom is filled with coats lying on the floor and it doesn’t stop Jihoon from throwing Seungkwan down on the bed with a thud and Seungkwan whining softly then his whining turning into soft snores the fill the room.

Leaving the bedroom, the smash of something heavy grabs his attention and before he knows it, he’s turning towards Juns bedroom to see the bedroom ajar with hushed voices filling the air.

“You said he wouldn’t be here.” Jihoon squints only to see In Ha and Seungcheol standing apart and her cheeks flushed with something fierce. Jeonghan said, a few weeks back, that Yoon In Ha doesn’t get angry; she get _furious._ “You _said_.” Her delicate voice is harsh to the ears and is strained like this is a conversation they’ve had one too many times.

“I know.” Seungcheol snaps. “But what can I do! He’s _everywhere;_ we go to the same university, have the same group of friends – hell, we even live five minutes away from each other!” Seungcheol doesn’t shout. He doesn’t get angry because ‘ _what’s there to be angry about? We all make mistakes.’_ Choi Seungcheol doesn’t lose his shit because – that’s – it’s just _not_ him.

“You still love Jihoon.”

Those words are thrown into the air so carelessly that for a spilt second, Jihoon doesn’t believe this whole conversation is about him.

But it is.

And Yoon In Ha doesn’t look so beautiful like this; with her cheeks red, eyes heavy with dark makeup running down her face and those tiny hands balled up into fists that look like they’re ready to swing at any moment. She doesn’t look so pretty when her everything is crashing around her and there’s no stopping it.

“Yoon In Ha -,”

“– You knew he was coming and that’s why you didn’t say anything right.”

“It’s not like that!”

“Then what is it like!” She snarls out, stepping forward to shove Seungcheol back – like that would make her feel better. “If you still loved Jihoon then why are you doing this to both of us? Why are you hurting me, hurting him and hurting yourself?” Her voice is shaking.

“I . . .”

Jihoon takes a step back and stumbles over his own feet in sheer shock and somehow falls into the door with a loud thud. The only thing that Jihoon can hear is the music. Along with his heart smashing against his rib cage. Only this would happen to him.

This – Jihoon being on his knees in front of the guy he’s been in love with for god knows how long and his girlfriend – is what Jeonghan would class as the world trying to bring them together. It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like this world is playing a trick on him; like the world wants Jihoon to suffer. He doesn’t spare a look when he’s scrambling up, eyes filled with tears and his whole body shaking because – _because what the fuck._ Everything suddenly disconnected. Nothing really makes sense, maybe if it did, Jihoon would understand everything. He’s understand Choi Seungcheol. But he doesn’t, so he runs.

He doesn’t spare a glance to the way Jeonghan tries to call out for him.

But he runs.

And runs.

And runs until he’s breathing heavily, leaning against the lamppost by Juns apartment and wishing that these goddamn tears would stop and that his brain wouldn’t go into overdrive because – _it’s not fair. It’s not fair._

“Jihoon!” No.

No.

_No._

In Jihoons head, he always thought if someone would be caught in an accidental confession, it would be him. Because Jihoon keeps his cards close to his chest but sometimes – only sometimes – does he let someone see those cards. Sometimes _and only sometimes_ does he let his guard down and maybe he thought that he’d be the one to confess. Not the other way around.

“Jihoon!”

This must be some sick prank. Because Seungcheol loves Yoon In Ha –

“ _Jihoon_!”

And it’s not _fair –_

“Jihoon.” Seungcheol is panting with his hair flat against his forehead and his eyes filled with every emotion possible. “Jihoon-ah, it’s cold. Come back in.”

“You . . . You love me?” it’s a face. A carelessly thrown around fact that will swirl around in his head forever. “You -,”

“– you’re not wearing a coat.” Seungcheol carries on and slips of his jacket. It’s thin denim and he steps forward and lets it rest on Jihoons shoulders. “Ji-ah, you know that you catch colds easily and -,”

“– we’re not going to talk about it, are we?” Jihoon has dreams. Many _many_ dreams where they’d be standing outside in the middle of spring and Seungcheol would confess; he’d smile coyly while admitting that this whole time he’d been in love with Jihoon. And Jihoon would accept that confession just as coyly with a smile that could be mistaken for a star in the sky. “You’re just . . . you’re going to pretend like I didn’t hear that at all?”

“Jihoon . . . don’t do this, okay?” Jihoon had dreams. Dreams where Seungcheol would pull him close and kiss him; and it wouldn’t be any kiss, it be a kiss that would make Jihoon compare everyone else he’d ever been with to him. A kiss that would tear him apart then piece him back together. Jihoon never once dream about this. “Everyone is worried and -,”

“ – I hate you.” Jihoon cracks. “I hate you _so_ much Choi Seungcheol. I hate everything about you; I hate that you’re so fucking kind and so fucking caring and I hate that you smile with your eyes and you wear your heart on your sleeve.” Seungcheols face crumbles. It really crumbles and Jihoon wants to laugh. “I hate that you made me fall in love with you.”

“I know.” Seungcheol says, breathing heavily. “I know and don’t you think I’m not hurt?”

“Hurt?! You, _hurt?!”_

“Yes me!”

“If you’re hurt, then I must be in fucking pieces because you don’t care.” Then he pauses because – _Seungcheol knows._ “What. . . What do you mean you know?” Spring in Seoul isn’t cold. It doesn’t whip at Jihoons skin and make him wish that he could be in his bed.

“I just . . . it was obvious from the start. And I knew – how couldn’t I and I didn’t know what to do besides be your friend.” Spring doesn’t make Jihoon shiver like crazy. But right now, he’s shaking with his breath showing under the dim light from the lamppost. “I thought . . . I thought I should date someone, you know? Show you that I wasn’t interested. But, we got to know each other and then I met In Ha . . .” he doesn’t need to explain.

“You . . .” four months.

Four months of wondering, wishing, and _hoping_ that Jihoon could be with Seungcheol. Four months filled with nights where he’d wonder if Yoon In Ha and Seungcheol would be together forever. It was a lie.

“She found out.” Seungcheol adds the last part. “She knew my feelings and I said that I didn’t know if I could change them. I’m not even into guys but you make me feel something – something so weird and I used to get so scared.”

“You dated girls to show me that you weren’t interested and when you realised you liked me, you got a real girlfriend?” Seungcheol looks down at his feet. Jihoon drops his jacket on the floor. “I want you to know that I hate you.”

“ _Ji -,”_

“ – and I’ll never forgive you.”

 

**_1 MISSED CALL FROM CHEOLLIE_ **

**_1 MISSED CALL FROM CHEOLLIE_ **

**_1 MISSED CALL FROM CHEOLLIE_ **

**_1 MISSED CALL FROM CHEOLLIE_ **

**_Cheollie~ (_ ** _10:03)_

_Jihoon can we talk? Please?_

_I can say sorry a million times but it still won’t make up for everything_

_Let’s meet, okay? Please text me back._

_(14:10)_

_Jihoon-ah_

_(16:40)_

_Jihoon please reply to me. I’m so worried about you._

_I fucked up. I can’t lose you._

_(17:00)_

**_1 MISSED CALL FROM CHEOLLIE_ **

**_1 MISSED CALL FROM CHEOLLIE_ **

**_1 MISSED CALL FROM CHEOLLIE_ **

**_1 MISSED CALL FROM CHEOLLIE_ **

_(19:00)_

_Im sorry. For everything._

_You mean so much to me._

_(00:00)_

_I love you._

A month.

That’s what it takes for Jihoon to feel better.

He locks himself away and ignores how the seasons beginning to change again. It felt like yesterday spring came and had coated Seoul in rain and sun. He ignores the way his shirts begin to stick to his skin and the weird smell that spreads around in his room like wildfire. Jihoon ignores the way when he wakes up, sweating profusely with his hair matted across his forehead like someone dunked water on his head and the way the blankets are shoved off the bed.

The sun sets later in the sky and Jihoon, on the days where he feels like he’s making progress, stares out into the sky where the buildings reside in the sky and he can’t help but feel this profound feeling of happiness – the sky is blue, pink and orange.

In this month, he feels better.

Because everyone knows about the argument between Seungcheol and Jihoon – they don’t know the details but they _know._ Jeonghan makes an effort to buy Jihoon iced Americanos between classes; Seungkwan sends him pictures of puppies and Mingyu even goes out of his way to give large iced drinks and a muffin when he passes by.

Jihoon thinks, sadly, that his feelings – the ones that make his heart flutter and his mind race wildly – will never leave. Jihoon thinks thoughtfully as he passes by the bus stop that Seungcheol is a _damn_ good liar and liars like that never really learn their lesson.

 

 

 

“Jihoon-ssi.”

The bookshop, just on the corner of campus, is Jihoons haven.

His safe place.

The tiny shop, painted red and green, has shelves filled with books that are heavily discounted for students and have small tables towards the back. In this safe space, Jihoon can breathe. It’s not like he doesn’t breathe without this place but here . . .  everything feels in proportion. Which is why he doesn’t expect to see Yoon In Ha standing in front of him with a cautious smile. “You come here too?” what the _hell_ was going on?

“Yeah. Sometimes.” He answers back, eyeing her up carefully. “I didn’t know you come here.” She nods her head softly.

“My dad owns this store.” She answers softly.

“Oh.” Jihoon blinks. “That’s cool.” he turns back to the shelves of books, eyes running up the spine. Inspiration will find him here he’s so sure of it and –

“He misses you.” Yoon In Ha steps forward with her hair bouncing on her shoulders like a waterfall of blonde falling onto her shoulders delicately. “Seungcheol, that is. I don’t think I’ve seen him so heartbroken.”

“It’s his fault.” Jihoon utters with a scoff. “Seungcheol knew this whole time and never said anything. To make it worse, he dated all those girls just to send me some weird message that he’s fucking straight. But he’s the one who’s hurt?” Jihoon adds that as an afterthought and doesn’t bother to look at In Ha.

“Jihoon . . . it’s more complicated than that,” she says softly. “His parents their – have you ever heard him talk about his family?” Jihoon pauses, fingers gripping the spine of the book. He’s known Seungcheol for a little under a year and in that time . . . they’ve never spoken about his parents. Once, maybe, Jihoon thinks. It came up and Seungcheol had changed the conversation to something completely different. “We grew up together. We went to the same church, the same schools and now the same university. I was really in love with Seungcheol.” Jihoons heart stops.

“So what changed?”

“Seungcheol never loved me like that. You might not know this but Seungcheol was adopted when he was fifteen. His real parents hated the fact he was gay; they found out and I watched him come into school with a busted up face and his arm in a cast.” Oh.

_Oh._

_Fuck –_ Jihoon said he would _never_ forgive Seungcheol. He’s been ignoring his texts and his calls to find out this. His heart aches – more than it did when he was forcing himself to hate Seungcheol.

“Why . . . why didn’t he say something? We could off spoken about it!” Jihoon suddenly feels frantic, filled with every possible emotion. “I just . . . I wouldn’t of said what I did as well and I would of answered his texts and -,”

“– Jihoon stop.” He’s shaking. His hands won’t stop moving that the looming feeling of realising everything – putting the pieces together – make him suddenly feel ill. “Go to him, okay? He needs you.” Jihoon doesn’t think he’s ever run so fast in his life. He tumbles out of the book store towards the bus stop at full speed before remembering Seungcheols apartment is maybe an hours walk from here – half an hour if he bothered to bring his bus pass. He groans, slowing down, panting roughly.

“Hey Ji!” Hansol waves frantically, walking with a few freshmen. “Wow! You’re actually running?! What’s the occasion?”

“I . . . need to find . . . Seungcheol.” He says in between pants. It’s _too_ hot to run in this heat. How the _hell_ can people do this as a goddamn sport?! “He doesn’t have classes right?”

“Nope. Not as far as I know.” Hansol said before raising an eyebrow. “Why? Are you guys gonna make up?”

“Yes.” Jihoon stand up straight to have the sun practically blind him. “I forgot my bus pass and I’m certain Jeonghan is at class and I have no clue how I’m going to get to Seungcheols apartment.”

“Wait!” one of the freshmen says, “you know my brother?” Jihoon looks up see a boy – a _lot_ taller than him – standing in front of him. “Jackson Wang? You helped him with his music assignment.” Right. Jihoon knows Jackson and he thinks everyone within Seoul does as well.

“So. . .?”

“So! My brother works at the pizza place! Just say you need to get to Seungcheols’ place and he’ll take you there. Tell him Kunpimook sent you.” He stares at all four of them before bolting because – he has nothing else to lose. Not to mention, _everyone_ orders from the pizza place that sits by closed down bus station. It’s probably the cheapest place to buy pizza plus it does twenty-four-seven delivery. As expected as he flies through the door, Jackson Wang third year stands at the counter looking bored.

This is Jihoons chance.

 

 

 

“So,” Jacksons’ car smells. It smells like garlic bread, pizza and a cheap air-freshener. “You and Choi Seungcheol then?” Jihoon tries not to go red at the way Jackson says it – eyebrows wiggling and lips cocked into a full blown smirk. For discretion (and the fact Jackson is a sucker for romance dramas) Jihoon tells him everything. _Everything_ and after a long fifteen minutes – and the realization that Jihoons feelings have intensified by a hundred percent – Jackson agrees to drive him.

“Yeah.”

“It’s cute, you know? I was said that Seungcheol and you would make a cute couple.” Jackson says happily. It’s quiet before Jackson adds: “I always thought you were dating. You guys were always together and he always used to offer to get stuff for you.” Jihoon groans.

“Was it really like that?”

“Uh, yes! Everyone was betting when you guys would get together, you know. I think Jeonghan won.” Before he can say anything – more or less give Jackson a warning for when Jihoon gets back to the dorm room – they pull into the apartment complex and if Jihoon was nervous during this ride here, that nervousness had turned into a gut wrenching anxiety. “Don’t be nervous, man. It’s just Seungcheol.”

“Exactly. It’s . . . It’s just him.”

“He’ll be happy to see you, you know.” Jackson has a point. Jihoon slides out of the car and gives a smile to Jackson who beeps happily before pulling his car out of the parking lot.

Jihoon has a lot of regrets in his life but, right now, he’s going to make sure that Choi Seungcheol is definitely not on that list of everything he wanted but never bothered getting. The walk to his apartment felt longer and the anxious ball in his stomach was getting bigger and bigger. He could do this. He could because Choi Seungcheol – he’s a lot of things. He’s the sun in the winter; the rain in the summer; the breeze in spring. He’s the sun and Jihoon is the moon. His steps echo along the corridor. Seungcheol was his everything because the seasons go by but Jihoons feeling won’t change.

“Jihoon.”

He turns and sees Seungcheol standing behind him. He looks terrible with his bag hung on his shoulder and the other bags resting under his puffy eyes. There’s something rather profound about this moment – the way the sun shines harder and the birds are racing through the sky. And Jihoon can’t think straight because his legs are moving him towards Seungcheol at the speed of light and he finds himself running into Seungcheol, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him into a long, overdue kiss. The kiss isn’t heated, it’s not anything like that. There aren’t fireworks in Jihoons stomach. But Seungcheols lips feel like home.

Seungcheol _is_ his home.

“I love you too.” Jihoon says, pulling back only slightly to see Seungcheols glassy eyes sparkle.

(And Seungcheol, in this moment, realizes that his feelings – the ones he thought would always would be one sided – will never change and make his heart race whenever he sees Jihoon.)

**Author's Note:**

> -seungcheol and jihoon starting dating  
> -seungcheol has to stop jihoon from strangling jeonghan
> 
>  
> 
> (kudos, comments and subs are appreaciated.)


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